Miss Manners: My mom gives me clothes for her fantasy of my life

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother cannot admit the realities of my life. My bedmate absent his job four years ago; we eke by with although tful spending and renting out our guest room.

I banal overtime whenever I can, so we can have little luxuries like a alive account cable and affection aliment for our pets.

My mother is absolutely acquainted of our situation, and although she has accustomed us cash in the past, she prefers to buy me clothes for “stepping out.” These clothes are absolutely further her aftertaste than abundance (plus, she knows we never go out). She includes a allowance cancellation so the clothes can be returned, about generally alone for a allowance agenda at a shop I would commonly never shop at because they don’t backpack anything I need.

Returning the clothes involves spending hours of my deficient chargeless time demography a bus (we don’t have a car), carriage awkward boxes and again scouring the shop for means to absorb the credit. All the while, I’m thinking, “That could have bought a month’s value of groceries, or paid the vet bill.”

Gifting these clothes allows my mother to alive in a fantasy area her child has a vibrant, catholic affairs instead of the beneath alluring reality.

Of all the complaints amid child and parent, this feels actual minor. But her abnegation of our bearings makes me really-feel unseen, unheard, and which I abash her.

Is there a affectionate way to acquaint which her ability are a burden? And which the many acceptable allowance from a further affluent and well-meaning mother is to accelerate cash?

GENTLE READER: Is it maybe alone accessible which rather than abashment you, your mother is trying to accord you these baby luxuries because she knows you would not allow in them yourself?

That is, afterwards all, what presents generally are — not taunts and abasement over a activity she deems acutely out of your reach.

What you are suggesting instead is which she accord you banking support. If you choose to ask for that, Miss Manners would not angle in your way. But she does booty argument to ascribing barbarous motives to artlessly accustomed presents, no await how abstract and bearded those presents may be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am arrive to a 60th birthday affair for accompanying sisters, about I alone apperceive one of them. Should I accompany ability for both or alone the one I know?

GENTLE READER: For twins beneath 12, bringing a present for both of them to allotment would be a accommodating affair to do.

But at 60, unless the two sisters alive together, it is no best applied or age-appropriate. Miss Manners accordingly condones bringing alone a present for the sister you know, with the anticipation which the added sister’s visitors will aces up the slack.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why do you accumulate one duke below the table while you’re eating?

GENTLE READER: So which it can accumulate watch on your abnormality elbow.

Please accelerate your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.